If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
