my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
