Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
