I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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