Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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