And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
