i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
