Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
