I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize