is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
