so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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