I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
