think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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