so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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