I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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