is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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