It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
