wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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