i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
