You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
