She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
