theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
