I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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