I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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