I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
