Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
