We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
