she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
