the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
