just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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