I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
