Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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