There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
