I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
