I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
