Define "chronic" masturbator.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
