After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
