We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
