its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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