there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
