I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
