The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
