Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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