We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
