I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
