Screwed.edu
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my liver is dry heaving
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
