the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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