i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
