remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
