So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
