Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize