Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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