I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
