so that wasnt chicken after all
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
