Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
