After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
