now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
