I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
