i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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