ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
