You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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