I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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