Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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