i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I need moral support for this bender
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am available for nakedness
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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