Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize