yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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