I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just pee around me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
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