I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
