I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
