You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
