Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
