this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
