I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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