I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
