I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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