I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
