We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
