New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
